Day 2: Crush
Dear Crush:
I don't really know who I'm writing to with this one. I guess because I'm not really sure who my crush is. Or maybe I don't have one. It's probably that. And rather than just being vague and cryptic and leave you hanging, I'll tell you why.
It's because I have more-than-crushes. Nothing in my life right now could be considered a "crush" in the "I-like-you-but-we-haven't-talked-but-I-hope-something-happens-even-though-it's-far-fetched" sense. I haven't had that in a while.
And I don't really know where I'm going right now. So I can't really figure things out. I'm just kind of...waiting to figure it out. Not really in a position to have a crush, exactly. Maybe someday.
And, you know, just where I am right now, I don't know what I hope will happen. That's another thing I think is missing from the crush aspect. When you have a crush, you hope he'll notice you. You hope you'll get that 5 minutes by the locker, that dance at the party, that random text, I don't know, however crushes work when you get older. But really, I don't know what I hope.
I hope to be happy, and that's all I hope. So, crush, here's to that. Someday. Or maybe not.
Love, me.
PS: This was a bad letter. Oh well.
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I know that this might be awkward, but sometimes, I forget to read (and obviously fail to write) people's blogs, and then I do, and then I feel I must respond.
ReplyDeleteTHIS post...this one right here...I know EXACTLY what you mean. I went through this EXACT same idea/phase my first year out of college. You have always been smarter than me, obviously.
Ugh, I was gonna just be honest and try to give some insight or something, but it seems a bit trite and creepy for me to talk about now.
Okay, one thing.
Crushes are for the most part meaningless and involve this giggly awesome interaction between our friends and our brain and blah, blah, blah. But really, they are meaningless. Even though they can turn into something more, it is the thought. the pursuit. the idea that makes it grand and seemingly important.
As you grow ever wiser and see fewer and fewer moments where you develop said crushes (where are all the new people, anyway?), I HOPE you don't chase after someone because you want that giggly feeling back, rather than because he is worth chasing.
Lauren, why did I just tell you that? I don't know. But I did.
Thank you. I always appreciate feedback out here...lately I've felt like I'm kinda just screaming into the universe (and that's ok).
ReplyDeleteBut it's good to know. And kind of the perfect response to what I wanted to say.