Sometimes, I just wanna go back. Back, back.
Back to...I don't know. When things were easier? When I was little and all I had to do was sit on the couch in pink flannel PJs and play with my new cat and call up my neighbors (one of whom I now frequently see at the bus stop...13 years later) and play N64 and run after the ice cream truck and create fake businesses and catch bluegill and whatever.
Back to when the biggest thing on my to do list was the swim meet after school. Or the game on Friday. Or whether or not I'd see you at your locker. Or whatever.
Back to when things were easier or before I knew what it was like to be really hurt or to really fight with people you cared about or to have important relationships really change.
But then, I think...you have to keep moving forward because going back to those times 1. Is impossible, and therefore not worth dwelling on, and more importantly, 2. Will not make anything better. Yes, you probably would feel at least a little bit better, a little bit fuller, a little bit more fulfilled right away...but then nothing would change, and eventually, it would still hurt. Yep, it's better to hurt sometimes, because moving forward is the only way that it will eventually STOP hurting and start being something again.
This is sad, I know.
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Peppy!
ReplyDeleteDoes one really have to keep moving forward? I like to think that moving forward, looking towards the future, is just as unhealthy as living in the past. The present state is the present state. The future will eventually arrive, but until then, why worry about it? I struggle with this concept because it takes quite a strong mindset, but with adequate practice I am beginning to get a little better at not worrying about things not in the present state.
And as for the past, you say how simple life was. I totally relate, and frequently yearn for it. And as a result, I am trying to mold my life to a more adult form of this exquisite simplicity. Really, there are no limitations, nothing holding you back. We are told that adulthood equates to a complex, busy lifestyle, but that is only true for those who buy into the culture. Would you agree?
Make your own culture. Simplicity is a magnet, and the goodness will be drawn to you.
- Teddy