So much better...?

It's May.
This Friday, one year ago, I graduated.
A year ago I was finishing finals, passing out the senior issue, reveling in mini-o.
Preparing for summer, wondering about fall, and pretending June 2 did not exist.


The background of my computer is this picture that was take after graduation rehearsal.


Every time I open my laptop, it stares back at me.



And it reminds me just how far I've come in the past year. I think I've really grown up. And being away probably does that to you...having to take responsibility for everything. (Even if I'm not FULLY there, making money, worrying about rent, and even if there's a snadwhich place that takes meal points so I won't STARVE etc.) If I don't DO it, it doesn't happen.

I've opened myself up a lot. I think I'm more easy going.

Mostly...I think it's that I feel more like an adult. And the scary thing is, the reason is because I'm half way there. I've got one foot in the door.

I've lived with another person for a school year in one room. Spent, what, 30% of my time at a desk that so many people have used before me and so me people will use after me (which is weird to me, because it felt so intimately MINE. And in a few months it will be so throughly someone else's) And I'll probably never see her or that room again. Or the stairwell I spent much of November and December crying in on the phone to Erin, working through things. I won't sit there again.



I feel a billion years away from what I was.

I don't know if I even feel like the same person. And I don't think that's a bad thing. I've kept the parts I like, but I've improved and changed some of the others. And isn't that what life's about? A continual re-drafting of ourselves.

But...I like who I've become.

It's weird to be back in the same place. But sometimes that's the only way to compare where you were then with where you are now and to see how far you've come.

Whoa, two posts right away. Don't get used to this.