And all the bridges you've burned leave you trapped off at all sides...or I'm really kind of pissed off.

I'm really kind of pissed off.
I have no idea if this will make any sense at all.

First (and not really related): I am not stupid. I do actually know what's going on. (You don't have to pretend)

Now:
I burn bridges. You may or may not have heard this from me or realized this about me before, but it's true.
A lot of times, if something happens or I get annoyed, I just completely cut the offending thing (read: person) out of my life. (In fact, if you're reading this, you probably DIDN'T know this, because you're obviously one of the survivors). And it's easy. And it doesn't really bother me. That's wrong, isn't it?
I don't usually regret it. In fact, I don't usually think about it after.
And it's so EASY.

But here's what I'm thinking about: when it's not easy. Because it seems like, with me, it's either too easy or too hard.
Sometimes, I think I'm missing that gene that allows someone to get really really angry when someone hurts them. I like to think of it as the typical girl gene or the facebook status update gene (you know, "is SOOOOO better off without you!!!!!!" Or any Taylor Swift lyrics). And sometimes I wish I had it.

Here's the thing, though. I don't know WHY. I don't know WHY I can get angry at some people--so angry I decide I absolutely cannot tolerate that and want nothing to do with it ever again--and why I can't get angry at others--why I hold it in and bury it and strive to make THEM not mad at ME when they've done things that are probably worse and more unforgiveable.

The best I can come up with is that some people just mean more. Even if the reason isn't logical or good. Even if they, because of past actions, deserve to be cut out or deserve not to mean anything at all. I guess I must still need something. Or want something. Or maybe one day, the anger will be there, and there will be a big explosion. Or maybe I'll just keep going rround and round and round.
I don't know.

I just don't know.

Dangles on a string. Like slow spinning redemption.

I think of all the things I think are real (if any of them can actually be considered real at all), this is the one I believe most.

A lot of things I think are true I eventually end up seeing through. But God, please, PLEASE let me believe it every single day, just as much, for the rest of my life. Don't let this one get tarnished.

Hope.
It's the singlemost valueable, delicate, fragile, volatile of human emotions, and it is the most important.
You must always, always have hope.

If you lose it, to be frank, you're screwed.
It underlies everything you've got, past, present, and most definitely future. It is the only thing worth living for.
Without it, you cannot live.

If you lose hope, stop. Stop your life. Just drop everything, because none of it will matter if you don't, and none of it will matter until you find it again. (If you forge on, nothing might ever matter, ever, ever again.)
Put your life on pause, because if you lose hope you are NOT going in the right direction.
Whatever path you are on, get off. Whatever way you're going, stop. If you think it's right, it's not.
Fix it.

Without hope, you can not breathe.
It's delicate, fragile, impossible to find, easy to crush.
A beautiful truth.
But it's absolutely, undeniably, necessary.

The Digital Age.

Isn't it weird...in this age of technology...that you can GET so much more information than you're supposed to have?

Ok, so maybe this will make me seem like a stalker...I've accepted that.

But you can look up a lot about a person, and you can know things they haven't told you. And then you have to bloop right back into real life, and what do you do with that information? You kind of have to pretend you don't know anything about it. But you do. And that's strange.

I know it's a curse of the digital age or whatever, but that's NOT what I'm talking about. I'm talking about how that affects PEOPLE. And relationships. And how you function, day to day.

I just think it's strange that you can go about your life and live and interact and think nothing has changed in a relationship and then you see something online (with a tag date of..I don't know, a few hours or days ago, or something) and realize it's actually been there, running like an undercurrent, and you'd been going on like nothing happened and that person has actually been feeling however their blog or status says but you never knew because they never said anything and you never picked up on it and you never saw it til just now.

Does that mean emotions in this digital age aren't real until you see them on your feed?

Or when you actually know something BECAUSE it IS posted, but you don't see it in real life, do you say something? To try to help, to let them know you're there? Or do you ignore it cause they seem fine in real life and you don't want to look like a stalker?

What's real? Which? Internet and posts and blogs or talking and seeing. You can't deny that both have validity, and you CAN'T deny that we live in BOTH worlds. It's just a question of which do you take cues from when.

That's so, so totally twisted.